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“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.”
Matthew 18:15 NIV
Today’s verse is from the words of Jesus as written down by the apostle Matthew. Jesus is teaching all of His disciples (the twelve apostles and those who followed Him) how to deal with sin within the church.
Jesus begins by pointing out that when we have a brother or sister in Christ who sins against you, we shouldn’t go around gossiping and griping to others. Sometimes we as Christians can be quite guilty of spreading around someone else’s sin. This can happen when we share a prayer request about that person’s sin — while that may seem to be the “good thing to do,” it can be deeply hurtful to the person you’re requesting prayer for. Likewise, it’s wrong to go to a pastor or priest and point out another’s sin. What Jesus recommends is speaking to the sinner directly and in private.
Now this doesn’t mean that every time we feel that someone is committing a sin against you we should confront that person. Colossians 3:13 reminds us of what we should consider first:
“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Rather than immediately confronting your brother or sister in Christ for every perceived sin, we should consider if our confrontation will only make things worse. If the sin is something that we cannot suffer with for a long time, then it’s time to take that person aside…
I definitely can’t speak for Jesus, but I would think that He would want us to “bear with each other and forgive each other” rather than potentially angering the other person through direct confrontation. But He definitely doesn’t want us to retaliate against the other person, gossip about them, or be bitter towards them. Charles Spurgeon, quoted in Enduring Word, said:
iii. “We must not let trespass rankle in our bosom, by maintaining a sullen silence, nor may we go and publish the matter abroad. We must seek out the offender, and tell him his fault as if he were not aware of it; as perhaps he may not be.” (Spurgeon)
In those cases where we absolutely must confront the sin and talk with the other party privately, it’s important to remember the words of Paul in his epistle to the Ephesians:
“Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.”
Jesus continues: “If they listen to you, you have won them over.“ How do you win them over? In two different aspects - first, the issue has been resolved. Perhaps after talking with the brother or sister, you both realize that each had valid points; perhaps he or she was right in some ways, or possibly they realized that you were correct in pointing out certain aspects of their behavior. The second aspect? You have won them over by not gossiping about them to other people and perhaps making matters worse.
You’ll notice in this part of the verse that Jesus doesn’t say that your fellow Christian must agree with you or even immediately repent before you. It’s important enough that “they listen to you.”
What if they don’t listen to you, are argumentative, or continue sinning? Well, that goes beyond today’s verse, but what Jesus teaches in the following verses is that you should next bring one or two more members of the church with you with hopes that hearing the concerns of others than yourself will perhaps turn the tide against sin. If that doesn’t produce repentance in that church member, then it is time to consider removing them from the rapport and fellowship church provides.
Many of us have seen with our own eyes just how damaging one person can be to a church. When their sin is pointed out to them and they deny it, perhaps it’s time to remove yourself from the situation. That’s what happened to the two of us when the local church leadership at a previous church publicly embraced sin, and when the national leadership of the denomination denounced Jesus by arguing that His words in John 14:6 (“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”) were “not inclusive enough”. We resigned from that church membership immediately.
Jesus always said exactly the right words. Sharing your concerns with your fellow Christian in private spares their dignity, spares them the embarrassment of having their sin made public, and spares them the possibility of being judged by a larger group of fellow followers of Jesus. Speaking to a sinner in private provides the best opportunity for them to hear, and to turn away from the self-destruction brought on by unrepentant sin.
Heaven On Wheels Daily Prayer:
Heavenly Father, help me to approach those who have wronged me with love and truth, so that I may regain my brother or sister in faith. May I always seek reconciliation and speak with kindness, reflecting Your grace in my actions. AMEN.