Husbands, love your wives
Ephesians 5:25-26 - Do I love my spouse in the same way that Christ loves the church?
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,”
Ephesians 5:25-26 NIV
Chapter 5 of Paul’s epistle to the church of Ephesus provides instruction to new Christians who may have found some of his advice to be totally at odds with what they were used to. These verses begin with the command to husbands to “love your wives”. As strange as it may seem in the current day, in the Greek and Roman world two thousand years ago marriage was considered a social contract. Paul turns that world upside-down by placing love in the key role in marriage.
Paul used the Koine Greek word ἀγαπάω (agapaō) for “love” in the letter, which comes from the root word agape — a selfless and sacrificial love. This is the kind of love that Christ has for the church, so the apostle is setting a very high standard for the husbands.
Christ’s love for the church is, and has always been, unconditional and sacrificial. He wants the church to grow spiritually, and to prosper in all other ways as well. Paul is seeking to bring the marital relationship to a much more spiritual level as well, with husbands called upon to reflect Christ’s love for the church in their lives with their wives.
Jesus not only loved (and still loves) the church, but Paul reminds the Ephesians that He “gave Himself up for her” as well. He died on the cross to atone for our sins, making the ultimate sacrifice for us. Husbands are to “give themselves up” in married life as well, prioritizing the needs and well-being of their wives above their own.
The next phrase in the verses is “to make her holy”. Some translations of the Bible use the term “to sanctify her”, in other words setting something apart for a sacred purpose. Old Testament sanctification involved complex rituals and sacrifices, while in the New Testament it is the spiritual process accomplished through Christ’s sacrifice. Hebrews 10:10 explains this very well: “And by that will, we have been made holy through the sacrifice of the body of Jesus Christ once for all.”
New believers often make the mistake of thinking that being declared holy through their faith in Jesus Christ (justification) is enough, while not taking on the much more difficult process of sanctification, growing in their holiness through the transforming work of the Holy Spirit. Paul’s use of the phrase in Ephesians 5:26 indicates an instruction to the Ephesian husbands to assist their wives in their personal sanctification.
Next, Paul’s comparison of marriage with Christ’s relationship with His church continues with the words “cleansing her through the washing with water through the word”. Of course, Paul is not being literal here, although in both ancient Jewish and pagan practices, cleansing rituals involving water as a symbol of purification were fairly common.
John MacArthur, cited in Precept Austin commentary, explains this part of the verse:
For husbands to love their wives as Christ loves His church is to love them with a purifying love. Divine love does not simply condemn wrong in those loved but seeks to cleanse them from it. Christ’s great love for His church does not allow Him to be content with any sin, any moral or spiritual impurity in it. God tells His people,
“Though your sins are as scarlet, they will be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they will be like wool” (Isa 1:18).
He casts the sins of His forgiven children “into the depths of the sea” (Micah 7:19), and He forgives their iniquity and remembers their sin no more (Jer. 31:34)… Love wants only the best for the one it loves, and it cannot bear for a loved one to be corrupted or misled by anything evil or harmful. When a husband’s love for his wife is like Christ’s love for His church, he will continually seek to help purify her from any sort of defilement. He will seek to protect her from the world’s contamination and protect her holiness, virtue, and purity in every way. He will never induce her to do that which is wrong or unwise or expose her to that which is less than good. (MacArthur, J: Ephesians. Chicago: Moody Press) (Bolding added)
For all of our married readers, ask yourself the question: “Do I love my spouse in the same way that Christ loves the church?” And for those who are thinking about marriage, ask yourself “Can I make this type of commitment with my future spouse?” The answers to those questions define the strength and staying power of your marriage.
Heaven On Wheels Daily Prayer:
Heavenly Father, thank You for the example of love shown through Christ. Help me to love my spouse as He loves the church. May my love be selfless and nurturing, guiding us both in faith. Teach us to grow together in Your grace, reflecting Your light in our marriage. I pray this in Jesus’ name, AMEN.