Ephesians: Husbands, Love Your Wives
Ephesians 5:25-30 - The love of husbands is a sacrificial and serving love.
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would be holy and blameless. So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body.”
Ephesians 5:25-30 NASB1995
Wives were told by Paul to submit to their husbands and I discussed that in the last devotional. However, husbands are told to love their wives to the point of sacrifice. This love is agape love, a love that transcends feelings and physical attraction.
I’ve been very impressed with the commentary from Enduring Word on this part of Ephesians. I will do some extracts of that commentary for this passage, starting with verse 25:
b. Love your wives: Paul used the ancient Greek word agape. The ancient Greeks had four different words we translate love. It is important to understand the difference between the words, and why the apostle Paul chose the Greek word agape here.
i. Eros was one word for love. It described, as we might guess from the word itself, erotic love. It refers to love driven by desire.
ii. Storge was the second word for love. It refers to family love, the kind of love there is between a parent and child or between family members in general. It is love driven by blood.
iii. Philia is the third word for love. It speaks of a brotherly friendship and affection. It is the love of deep friendship and partnership. It might be described as the highest love of which man, without God’s help, is capable of. It is fondness, or love driven by common interests and affection.
iv. Agape is the fourth word for love. Eros, storge, and philia each speak about love that is felt. These describe “instinctive” love, love that comes spontaneously from the heart. Paul assumes that eros (desire) and phileo (fondness) are present. Christians should not act as if these things do not matter in the marriage relationship. They do matter. But Paul’s real point is to address a higher kind of love, agape love. Agape describes a different kind of love. It is a love more of decision than of the spontaneous heart. It is as much a matter of the mind as the heart, because it chooses to love the undeserving.
v. “Agape has to do with the mind: it is not simply an emotion which rises unbidden in our hearts; it is a principle by which we deliberately live.” (Barclay) Agape really doesn’t have much to do with feelings – it has to do with decisions.
vi. Strictly speaking, agape can’t be defined as “God’s love,” because men are said to agape sin and the world (John 3:19 and 1 John 2:15). Yet it can be defined as a sacrificial, giving, absorbing, love. The word has little to do with emotion; it has much to do with self-denial for the sake of another.
· It is a love that loves without changing.
· It is a self-giving love that gives without demanding or expecting re-payment.
· It is love so great that it can be given to the unlovable or unappealing.
· It is love that loves even when it is rejected.
· Agape love gives and loves because it wants to; it does not demand or expect repayment from the love given. It gives because it loves, it does not love in order to receive.
vii. We can read this passage and think that Paul is saying, “Husbands, be kind to your wives.” Or “husbands, be nice to your wives.” There is no doubt that for many marriages this would be a huge improvement. But that isn’t what Paul wrote about. What he really meant is, “Husbands, continually decide to practice self-denial for the sake of your wives.”
I have another confession to make - I’m not particularly fond of the other members of my gender (other women) and have usually had much more in common with the men that I’ve known in my life; I had some good friendships in my working days. This is probably because I’m an engineer and techno-nerd who likes science and rockets and space exploration and big construction projects and technology in general. I also like watching WWII movies and documentaries and reading about the war, probably as much as Steve.
I never had kids, so having those philia relationships with groups of Moms didn’t happen; I also have no siblings and was not close to my Mom until the later years when we both mellowed out a bit, but I was always very close to my Dad. By being more in tune with men and seeing how most of them carefully and lovingly treated their wives and families, sacrificed for those families, or selflessly served their country made me aware of this type of agape love that Paul describes. While many women complained about the men in their lives (or men in general), I saw men do remarkable things and make deep sacrifices. All you have to do is go to a place like this, in the picture below, to understand this (photo of Netherlands American Cemetery).
Steve has taken on a role in his life that he probably didn’t expect when we first got married. He became self-employed starting in 2004 and was able to take care of the needs of aging family members like my Mom and Dad and his parents. He took them to doctor’s appointments and helped them out with other concerns, up until the day the last one passed away in 2022. When I started getting worsening physical ailments that limited my abilities to lift anything heavy or stand for a long time (and now interfere with my vision), he happily and cheerfully took over most of the household chores and he has always been there for me and for other loved ones. He continually demonstrates agape or sacrificial love. I can see this also in the fact that he volunteers his expertise as webmaster for my retirement group.
Let’s look at more from Enduring Word on this passage:
b. Just as Christ also loved the church: We might say that Paul taught two things at once here. He taught about the nature of the relationship between husband and wife, and he taught about the relationship between Christ and His Church. Each illustrates important principles about the other.
i. It demonstrates that Jesus loves his church with a special love. Jesus loves the world and died for the world; but just as a husband can have a general love for everyone, he must also have a special love for his bride.
ii. “I ask you to notice what is not always the case with regard to the husband and the wife, that the Lord Jesus loves his church unselfishly; that is to say, he never loved her for what she has, but what she is; nay, I must go further than that, and say that he loved her, not so much for what she is, but what he makes her as the object of his love. He loves her not for what comes to him from her, or with her, but for what he is able to bestow upon her. His is the strongest love that ever was.” (Spurgeon)
iii. Using the love of an ideal husband as a pattern, we could say that Jesus has a constant love for His people, an enduring love for His people, and a hearty love for His people.
c. And gave Himself for her: Jesus’ action towards the church is a pattern. This helps us define what agape love is all about: it is self-sacrificing love. How should a husband love his wife? As Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. What did that involve? Perhaps the best statement concerning that matter is in Philippians 2:5-8, where it shows that the focus of Jesus was on the church. It was for the church that He did what He did, not for Himself.
i. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. And being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself and became obedient to the point of death, even the death of the cross (Philippians 2:5-8).
ii. This word is especially needful for husbands who see headship in submission with worldly understanding instead of godly understanding. Some husbands think that because God said they are the head of the home and the wife is obligated to submit to them that they do not have to be humble, lay down their lives, and sacrifice for the benefit of their wife. They need to understand the difference in thinking between worldly headship and godly headship.
· Worldly headship says, “I am your head, so you take your orders from me and must do whatever I want.”
· Godly headship says, “I am your head, so I must care for you and serve you.”
· Worldly submission says, “You must submit to me, so here are the things I want you to do for me.”
· Godly submission says, “You must submit to me, so I am accountable before God for you. I must care for you and serve you.”
iii. This is not the height of romantic love as the world knows it. This isn’t love based on looks, image, the ability to be suave and cutting-edge cool. This is love expressed through sacrifice.
The love of Jesus is constant, enduring and hearty. After 47 years together, I can say that Steve emulates that same type of sacrificial love quite readily, even as a flawed and sinful human. He also has incredible humility. I still have to work on the “submit” piece and my own humility (or lack thereof) but I think I understand my role as a wife better now, from studying God’s plan for humanity. I would not be angry at these words if the wedding was held tomorrow.
Back to Enduring Word:
a. So husbands: In Ephesians 5:22-24, Paul gave three reasons for a Christian wife’s submission to her husband. In addressing the Christian husbands, Paul also gave three reasons to love their wife:
i. First, they should love their wife this way because this is what love is. Paul indicates this in Ephesians 5:25: Husbands, love your wives.
ii. Second, they should love their wife this way because the relationship between husband and wife has a pattern: the relationship of Jesus and His church. Paul indicates this in Ephesians 5:25-29: Just as Christ also loved the church… So husbands ought to love their own wives… just as the Lord does the church.
iii. The third reason is found in Ephesians 5:28-32. The Christian husband must love his wife this way because you are one with her, just as Jesus is one with the church.
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d. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it: Any man in his right mind is going to take care of his own flesh, even if it is just in the sense of feeding and clothing and caring for his own body. He knows that if he doesn’t, he is going to suffer for it. In the same way, once we know the Biblical fact of this unity, if we are in our right minds we will nourish and cherish our wives because she is part of us.
e. Just as the Lord does the church: The principle of oneness also is dominant in the relationship between Jesus and His people.
· There is oneness of life: We share the same vital resurrection life that resides in Jesus Himself.
· There is oneness of service: We are privileged to be co-workers with our Lord.
· There is oneness of feeling: Jesus feels a unique sympathy with us, and we feel a unique sympathy with Him.
· There is oneness of mutual necessity: We cannot exist without Him and He cannot exist without us, in the sense that a redeemer is not a redeemer without any redeemed; a savior is not a savior without any saved
· There is oneness of nature: The same genetic code links us with our Savior, and we are partakers of the divine nature
· There is oneness of possession: We share in the riches of His glory both now and in the age to come
· There is oneness of present condition: When our Savior is lifted high, so are His people with Him.
· There is oneness of future destiny: We will be glorified with Him.
Oneness between husband and wife reflects the oneness we have with Jesus.
Weddings these days seem to be more for showing off than for acknowledging the mystery of this union before God (when’s the last time you attended a wedding in a church?). I’ll discuss this more in my next devotional, which examines Ephesians 5:31-33 - The mystery of the union.
Heaven on Wheels Daily Prayer:
Dear Lord - I am eternally grateful that I am the wife of Steven Sande. He has demonstrated sacrificial love for me throughout our marriage and for my relatives and friends. In return, I have probably failed to respect him and submit to him in our relationship. Amen.
Citations and Credits:
Scripture quotations taken from the (NASB®) New American Standard Bible®, Copyright © 1960, 1971, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission. All rights reserved. www.Lockman.org.
Precept Austin was accessed on 06/10/2026 to review commentary for Ephesians 5:25-20.
Commentary from Enduring Word is used with written permission and without any alteration. ©1996-present The Enduring Word Bible Commentary by David Guzik – enduringword.com. Within the Enduring Word commentary:
Barclay, William The Letters to the Corinthians (Philadelphia: Westminster Press, 1975)
Spurgeon, Charles Haddon The New Park Street Pulpit, Volumes 1-6and The Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit, Volumes 7-63 (Pasadena, Texas: Pilgrim Publications, 1990)